Before I started going to elementary school my brother told me that if you cried in school you'd get kicked out. I've always been a cryin' type o' gal so this was something that really put me on edge. As a kid I rarely even spoke, mainly in school, for I feared I would be punished for one thing or the other. Even if I teacher would just call me out for, say, chewing gum, I would turn red and feel like I was gonna cry. Then I'd think "if I cry, I will get in more trouble." It was just awful. I hated having that attention placed on me. I rarely like any sort of attention on me, so the negative type was just terrible and difficult for me to handle.
Now because I have been always so careful so that I won't get in trouble with any type of authority figure I still am not good at handling how I feel after I actually do get in trouble.
I just got off the phone a little bit ago where I was being called out and I felt really guilty. It was just a misunderstanding, but still I feel like I did something wrong and I just can't seem to shake this feeling. I just need to take a deep breath and move on. I just think it's crazy that in my twenty-one years of life I still can't handle being in trouble.
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