Temporarily Temporary

I love to buy temporary tattoos

Not just because of who I fool,

but I like to step out of me
and pretend to be
what you might not see
by looking at me.
I do silly things and love to pretend.
Then I miss the messages you're trying to send.
Things become real
and I'm unsure how to feel
or how to heal.
I'm not electronic or made out of steel.
I scrub my skin trying to feel clean.
You can barely make out what it was supposed to mean.
I'll be okay
and you'll fade away.
But if I may,
perhaps it's good that you didn't stay.

Never Minds

You sing your song

while I listen with my good ear.

I'll write you the poem

that you've always wanted to hear.

The words aren't mine.

They aren't even real.

Stolen, mangled

and lacking all appeal.

Then they are just letters

that shift into lines.

Broken and scattered

leaving nothing behind.


 

You'll sing on,

but I can not be sweet.

My good ears are gone.

I'll glady give up my seat.

Now here I am.

Just as the words, the letters,

and the lines.

Fragmented deep down

like space and time.

This is where we are

and I know what I need to be.

Just the strange girl

that I never wanted you to see.

Round Two

Fight!

Just kidding. I don't know if I have it in me.

Words Words Words

This is a story.

I hope it isn't boring.

Goodness Me

I feel melancholy.

I also think that Melancholy would be a pretty name

for a dog.









I just want to go in a little hut
and be wrapped in a big comforter with a sweet boy
 while it rains outside.

That is a thought I have sometimes when I feel like this.

Not Much

One step foreward.

One step back.

I will run half way there.

I will stop and turn around.

I do need to go somewhere.

I do not need to get anywhere.

I just want to be still.
Still, I just want to be.

Haiku Skidoo

I'm always dancing.

The songs playing in my head

are held in my heart.

Caramel Coated

One thing I really don't like about me is how I feel after getting in trouble.

Before I started going to elementary school my brother told me that if you cried in school you'd get kicked out. I've always been a cryin' type o' gal so this was something that really put me on edge. As a kid I rarely even spoke, mainly in school, for I feared I would be punished for one thing or the other. Even if I teacher would just call me out for, say, chewing gum, I would turn red and feel like I was gonna cry. Then I'd think "if I cry, I will get in more trouble." It was just awful. I hated having that attention placed on me. I rarely like any sort of attention on me, so the negative type was just terrible and difficult for me to handle.

Now because I have been always so careful so that I won't get in trouble with any type of authority figure I still am not good at handling how I feel after I actually do get in trouble.

I just got off the phone a little bit ago where I was being called out and I felt really guilty. It was just a misunderstanding, but still I feel like I did something wrong and I just can't seem to shake this feeling. I just need to take a deep breath and move on. I just think it's crazy that in my twenty-one years of life I still can't handle being in trouble.

Oh well. Just gotta work on it.

The Tannest I'll Ever Be

I really do just love my life.

I was sitting at the kitchen table eating chicken I made in the microwave, organic popcorn, and apple slices. I had my laptop open and was watching All Dogs Go To Heaven (which has a lot of adult themes that I didn't remember at all). Then I just thought to myself how happy I am.

I have been spending a lot of time sitting at my house and not doing a lot. I literally have found myself just sitting on the couch or on my bed without anything. Just sitting there. My parents come in and ask "aly, what are you doing?" I just keep tellin' 'em,

"just livin' my life."

I really can't put it any other way. If nothing else, I am just so lucky that I can find myself doing nothing and getting filled up with the same good feelings I get when I see my close friends or doing something ridiculously fun.

So yeah, I love my life.

On and On

I think I'm old enough to realize that things aren't that big of a deal.

I know that everything changes so often that we can't hold onto the way things are for too long.

However any situation turns out is what is supposed to happen.

    My body understands this a little better than my mind.
I swear, it's like my body has just evolved to handle things that are emotional.

    I cry for like a few minutes and it feels nice,

but all too soon I can't actually cry without having to think about it.

   I just understand a little too well that not everything is going to rip apart my world.

Moments after anything sad happens it all just keeps on goin'.

   Ain't no stoppin' cuz it just don't matter none to sit and dwell on the shit. 

I know this is totally a cliche, BUT life is just too short.

   It's too short to sit around holding grudges and hating everyone.

Everything is just okay.
   Just gotta live yo' life.



Also, has there ever been an attractive and/or well dressed person in the audience of America's Funniest Home Videos?
                      just wonderin'.

                                                                                                    jk we all know the answer to that one.

Enigmatic, But Modest

There are so many ways to say

 exactly

what we want that it overwhelms me at times.

Countless meanings to the same words and phrases.

I can fill in all of this

 space

 with letters,

but I don't think I know the right combination

 of symbols that will fully express what it is I need to say.

There are endless things to proclaim

 and I want

 to tell you something more specific

 than this.

Stay Tuned

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get
i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get
i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get it i get

Edit

The post I had here didn't fit. It didn't sit well in this little blog o' mine.
Sometimes I feel like this thing is just filled with things in my heart.
The post that was here didn't have a place in my heart.
LOLOL
-Aly

Knock-Out

I'm never going to be good at smack talkin'.

My family decided to have our annual 4th of July party on the 3rd. Every year there are multiple sport type games to play and be competitive. We got some badminton, bags, and basketball. I just am inwardly competitive because I've learned that I always get too frustrated with how terrible I am at almost all sports. I just try to enjoy them instead and then I usually do better. My sister ultra competitive and really good at like every sport. SO YEAH. She usually teams up with Jeff (close family friend) with every team sport because they both are expertly humorous smack talkers and are craaazy competitive. Carly was at a party for awhile so Jeff and I teamed up in badminton. He told me I'm not as good as my sister and that she needs to come back so he could actually win. Whatevaaa. (even though it kinda hurt cuz everyone was talkin about how i'm not very good and it was my fault that whichever team i was on lost. :/)

ANYWHO...

Jeff was like "Aly! Step up your smack talk!"

and I was just like "Okay." So I turned to the other team like,

"You guys are going down maybe!"





I also, inevitably, get hit smack in the face with a basketball every year.

Just A Phase Where I'm Caught In A Daze

                            Rules To Live By:

by Aly for Aly and whoever else needs it

1. Don't care what bitchez think.

2. Don't dwell, let it roll off your shoulders.

3. Keep an open mind. You aren't right about everything.

4. Be pleasant as much as possible.

5. Be patient. Don't rush into things all the time.

6. Find simple things that make you feel good.

7. Be grateful for things you have right in front of you.

8. Tell the people who matter most to you that they freaking matter!

9. Don't worry too much 'bout what you ain't got.

10. Close your eyes and dance more. Makes you feel good.

11. Drink more fluids and eat the food you like.

12. Excercise, walk around, whatevs, but just do something where you get off your butt.

13. Don't let stupid people hang around in your life for too long.

14. If all of your close friends don't like the person you're dating. Rethink that.

15. Don't let nobody ever push you around.

16. Own it. All of it.

17. Be aggressive. B E agressive.

18. If you want something. Go for it. Why the hay not?

19. Don't be afraid.

20. Don't overthink it.

21. Live yo' life and keep on truckin'.


That and so much more.

Lick Your Lips, Eat Some Chips

I don't know if you noticed, but my blog titles, as of late, are rhymes.

Lately I've been feeling like I could be a rap person icon and all I have to do is fine tune my ability to rhyme on command. Just give me a sick beat and I will throw down a rhyme at any given time. I like to do these word games to get in shape.

Here's an example:

Bitch

nitch
itch
hitch
glitch
ditch
rich
mitch

I know dis bitch
Her name ain't mitch
got wit her in a ditch
Said she was rich
Hooked on like a hitch
Musta been a glitch
cuz now i got me a real bad itch








Just kidding.

I Kind Of Feel Like Oatmeal

Instruction manuel:

Materials: computer, phone, whatever can connect you to the interwebz.

Step 1:
Go somewhere quiet and comfy (you only need it for a few minutes).

Step 2:
Lay down wherever you see fit.

Step 3:

Press Play on song below and close your eyes.

I'll Pick Up Sticks And Do Magic Tricks

I know you.
You know me too.
I keep doing these things.

I don't know what they are supposed to mean.

I stand in line

and dance all the time.

Patiently waiting.

Honestly debating

whether or not I care.

Looking ahead, I blankly stare.

I finally turn around trying to find

something I just keep leaving behind.

I try to turn back around.

There is just space with no clarity or sound.

I shut my eyes
and think of a lie.
Moments pass
while memories travel too fast.
I realize I never really knew you,
but I will always pretend I do.
Then maybe someday you
will pretend to know me too.

Let's Make A Toast Or Just Eat Some

A week ago today I was living a life

              so completely different than the one I have here at home.

After struggling through two semesters at Viterbo and being absolutely miserable, I found something. These past four weeks hold some of the best moments and feelings that I've ever had in my life. I believe in fate, I really do. I was meant to stumble upon the randomness that is Viterbo University in La Crosse, WI. I was meant to be placed at Spence Elementary School for field experience. I was meant to take the bus and see the Marcus Cinema every day. I was meant to take a shot in the dark and apply to the theater online. All of these tiny moments that seemed so meaningless at the time had to be strung together in order for me to have formed this life that I have now.

Pieces keep popping in my head. Listening to that Jason Derulo song at full blast in that red sunburn of a car. Going to the beach in dresses and without a swim suit. Listening to the boys point out each other's body issues.Watching Zach do ridiculous workouts in his basement. Wrestling with Patrick and losing.. every time. Hangin' at Chuck E. Cheese and realizing I'm still no good at those games. Going to pizza doctors and unexpectedly breaking news to Zach. Graduation parties of people I don't know and will probably never see again. Makin' toast for Patrick and myself. Calling the boys out on their most serious flaws regardless of how true they are and how much it might affect them. Cuddling together and knowing that soon they will leave the country. One after the other. And that I will go home, but almost refusing to believe the inevitable.

I often lie and tell people I miss them even though I really don't. I really did miss my parents when I was at school. I used to miss Ryan all the time when he was at Syracuse those first two years. So when I said to these few people that I missed them, I meant it. So yeah.. very few occasions when I said it and meant it.

So now here I am,
truly missing Zach and Patrick.

I know we haven't known each other for very long, but these guys mean a lot to me. I have never had friends anything like either of them before. My life will never be the same now that I know them boyz. I hope this isn't it for us. That would suck.

I can honestly say that if there was a time in my life that I could relive... these past few weeks would probably be it. They were so simple and sweet.

Everything felt so easy.

Skinny Girls With Lots of Curls

I'm going to take a break from my delicate little blog posts and start on jabbering again.

I'm back at home and it's... inconsistent. I have spent so much of my life and time here. It feel like someone gave me a new pair of eyes and said

 "okay, now look."

Things feel clearer and succinct. I feel I was also given a new body. It's easier to move around in this one. I don't feel like I have to be so careful that something might fall apart.

Although I have gotten to a point where all my old plans have been thrown to the wind, I have never been more steady. I do feel a bit sad right now and I'm not exactly sure who to talk to about it. I know who I want to talk to about it, but I also know his/her reaction will not be what I want. I just would like someone to listen and understand.

I hope that last part didn't come off too angsty. I'm about 80% over that phase o' my life.

This Is Where I Sit And Stare

I can't look at that.
Or think about it.
It's heartbreaking.

                                But not in the overly dramatic life shattering way.
     Just in the way where it's like a tiny little bluebird's egg breaking.

And the little crackling noise it makes.

That's the kind.
It still hurts though,

Even if it is just in that small way.

Mellifluous

                          

                              I am good.

so very          

good.

It's all so simple.

so            

sweet.

Daft

I am paranoid.

You knew this.

Everyone does.

 

I think I'm okay with it.

Oranges

I know that poems do not have to rhyme.

I have never wanted to eat a lime.

I go from here

and leave from there.

I do not want to be anywhere.

If I had a moment to sit and stay

then "why?", you may ask, do I always go away?

It's not that you make me mad,

but mostly because I am just plain sad.

I'm confused and hurt
and I feel like dirt.
I'm so predictable with how I always feel.
It's like that movie How to Deal.
I am so poetic, don't you think?

No,

you probably just think I STINK!

"The Sea's Just a Wetter Version of the Sky"

I dragged myself out of the shower at twenty til nine.

pm.

I dismantled the tangled bun I twisted my hair into eleven hours before.

I brushed out that mess

and I patiently waited for the steam to leave it's uncomfortable position on the mirror.

I put on my bra and a loose cream colored sweater.

When things became not so foggy

I saw my frizzy hair hanging past my shoulders.

I was just looking at this girl with little red specks on her cheeks

and freckles on one side of her face.

I just                

get it now.

Parallels

I just can't.
Or maybe I won't.

I'm not good at this.

Pour vous...

Mon chéri,

Pourquoi suis-je censé mettre à jour mon blog si souvent, mais vous n'avez pas mise à jour pour moi?Je ne pense pas que ce soit juste.

Vous savez quoi d'autre n'est pas juste?

Autres trucs. C'est ce que.

De toute façon, je pense que vous êtes merveilleux.

l'amour,
Aly

c'est le genre de chapeau que je veux

Placidly

I'm just sitting here waiting.

I could get up and go and do
something.
Anything, really.
I'm fine though.
I am.
Being here is nice.
I haven't gone back to where I started.
Nor am I trying to get back there.
I never even thought to turn around
and see what was left behind.

Midnight Affair

Things are weird.

Why do things say stuff like "girls rock" or "boys rule" and whatever?

Why don't they say things like "everybody rocks" or something?

I feel like that would be more appropriate.

Also, why do women feel so entitled to toilet seat preferences?

Like why do they think men always need to be the one to put the seat back down?
I guess it's courteous.

But isn't it also courteous for women to leave the seat up for men?

mhmm.

 

Names of nail polish colors are weird, as well.

Serendipitous

I just realized the lyrics to Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" are all about appliances.

"cause you're hot then you're cold 
 hair dryer
you're yes then you're no  
magic eight ball
you're in then you're out  
revolving door
you're up then you're down"  
elevator

 
"you're wrong when it's right 
a scale
it's black and it's white" 
poloroid camera

Yeah.

You're Welcome.

Faux Pas

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"

I'm always just foolin' me.

I often make the same mistakes twice.
And sometimes I make the same mistakes more than twice.

This is a pretty dumb thing.

For example, last night I put my suitcase down right where I knew I'd keep walking.

I stubbed my toe about five times on it and kept thinking I'd learn from it or move it or something productive.

That was not the case.

Little things like this are relatable to other aspects of my life.

I make the same mistakes with people time and time again.

This is not always for the worst, but yeah.

C'est la vie.

Unseasonable and Inconsiderate

I always think about saying unbecoming subject matter in the middle of class discussion.

Today in my kind of art class, a classmate posed a question. The most repetitive answers were given and hashed over. The question was real dumb, to say the least. So I was ready to just raise my hand and say "I really do not care."

Another student put up some terrible art. It was just not good.

She tried to argue her art as being unique when she was, essentially, accused of having her art look just like the artist she had been studying.

I wanted to let her know it wasn't good and that all she could really do is make poor reinterpretations of famous art. That she doesn't have any ideas of her own and she isn't very original in any way.

It's probably good I just keep to myself during classes.

Unforgettably Forgettable

I'm sitting on my bed. 

I may look intensely uncomfortable,

but I'm not.

The fish tank continues to drizzle and a car door slams.

My eyes are heavy and pink.

My bottom lip is swollen and my tongue has been bitten.

I feel different.

Distant, really.

In more ways than one.

My Thoughts, They Scream

WHO DOESN'T LOVE COMPLIMENTS

I WANT A DEEP DISH PIZZA

I CAN'T BELIEVE I SPILLED THAT POPCORN

MY RIGHT EYE IS WATERING

THIS WINE IS WARM AND GROSS

I'M A SPAZ

I SHOULD CLEAN MY ROOM

I'M JUST DOIN' ME

Concepts, Anew

Attach a meaning.

Bicycle.
Ride.
Sex.

Attach a place.
Hawaii.
Hot.
Sex.

Attach an object.
ChapStick.
Lips.
Sex.

Attach.
Sex.

Indispensably Disorienting

I was just somewhere for about two and a half hours.
  I fell asleep.
    It felt like twenty minutes.

Now that I'm not there anymore
  It feels like it was a weird dream.
    One where I drooled all over my arm.
      So, real.
        Truly.

Definition, Please.

I bought a case of thirty bottles of diet pepsi through school. I got them on Monday.

 I have about seven close to empty bottles in the fridge.

 I can not bring myself to drink the rest or toss it out.

 I suppose they will just have to linger as a sign of my unwillingness to let silly things go.

Also, I think I might be a lesbian.