To My Two To Three Readers

You people are the most wonderful people I know.

Just know that.

I wouldn't change a thing.

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

IF

      I could get a date.

IF

      I could sing.

IF

     my homework could do itself.

IF

     everything was just nicer?

Sure. but IF don't mean a thang.

I Don't Have My Glasses On

When I was a kid I think there was this thing through school where you could bring home one of these animals for a week or something.

 I'm pretty sure I never did it because the thought of the animal dying on my watch was far too stressful.

Nuts, man.

When I have nothing to talk about with someone I ask what they learned today.
I don't think I have really gotten someone to just answer without knowing my game.

I'm going to marry the first boy who just answers like it was a really normal thing to ask.



As long as he's cute and great and stuff.


hahahaaaa

SPECTACULAR

Here's how you know you looked really bad:

After you change what was looking bad everyone tells you how much better you look.

And it's not just one person.

It's everyone.

wow.

Why didn't anyone tell me I needed a haircut sooner?!

Czech Yo' Self

Something out there is keeping me in check all the friggin' time.
I can only be so happy.

I'm feeling good, but only so good.

I want to just say what I want and just have some sort of guarantee that I will get it.

Life's rough.

I Will Elaborate Eventually

Everything makes so much sense!

Things have been so foggy. Now they are not.
It's like I've been slapped in the face in a good way.

Self My Letters To

I don't think I've been so bad at talking in my life than I have in the past 8 months. (4)

It's been pretty gradual, but it's officially just terrible.

I have to think a little too long about how to say words or else they come out in a jumble or meaningless sounds.  (1)

I say I a lot. (2)

Am I selfish? (1)

There it is again.

I don't think I'm that self obsessed. (2)

I have a problem with this. (1)

It's good to think about yourself.

But not all the time.

So like...

How do you know when it's okay?

Go with the flow, I suppose. (1)

All I'm sayin' is.. (1)

I say I (2)

a lot.

The Word You Are Looking For Is Angst

I could put a lot of swear words here.
BUT that won't get me anywhere now, will it?
No. It won't.

So whatever.

I don't know me too well anymore. This place is killa on my identity n' shiit.

Yeah, Angst.

–noun, plural äng·ste  /ˈɛŋkstə/ [engk-stuh] .

a feeling of dread, anxiety, or anguish.

l's and I's Look The Same



I'm really stuck in my head today.

Things are happening around me and I have all these thoughts just streaming. It's really foggy.

I need to yell.

I could if I wanted, but like I said I'm stuck in my head and talking feels really foreign right now.

It seems like a lot of effort.

What Are You Going To Do With All That Junk Inside Your Trunk?

Organize it.


One moment things are so clear.
Then, like, a second later nothing makes any sense.
Like today I was so hungry and it made sense to, you know, eat. So I did. Then I was eating and thinking about how weird eating is. I don't want to explain exactly what my thoughts were on it, but it's just kind of a peculiar concept.

This has a lot to do with some situations.

I'm like really happy, but it's like I'm too scared to be too happy. To throw myself into something is scary, so I retreat until others retreat. Then I try to pull my self back in and it's usually too late. It's this weird tug of war I play by myself and I get absolutely no where every single time. No one wins. That's sad because, it's me. Regardless of who fails, I win because I'm playing BY MYSELF. I guess that means I'm holding myself back?

I don't have all the answers like I think I do.
but that's okay.
I think I will let myself win this time around, though.

hopefully.

If.

What if I don't learn anything else?
What if I fail?
What if I were a mermaid?
What if I had to chose only one person in my life?
What if I can't be happy?
What if I could never be sad?
What if people never asked questions pertaining to the uncertainty of the future?


I hate what ifs.

Almost as much as I love them.

Let's Talk About It, Baby.

I'm just not a very sexual person.
And I'm okay with that.

                          are you a kit kat bar?

Idiopathic Condylar Resorption

I think a lot about this upcoming summer.

I think I'm just going to read outside a lot and listen music.
Not much else-a-choice.

                                                 whatchagondo...

Booyakasha and All That...

Respect should be taught all over the damn world.



Fuck bitchez. 

Look Through My Window

Today was weird.

First I was at the orthodontist to get my braces tightened.

Then I went to a casino.

2011 has, for shiz, been a year of firsts. I won't really get into the details of it, but I've been out of my comfort zone. Ain't been a bad thing, o' nothing. Just different. I know things are going to change even more in the next few months. Right now, though, I'm not so sure of a lot of things that happen or how I should react. I feel out of sorts just like all of the time. It's like I'm watching a really boring movie right before it's time for bed. My eyes feel all sleepy and the plot doesn't seem to fit together quite right. Everything feels a little hazier and clearer right now.

"Nothing's quite as sure as change... And the rain beats on  my roof."

Let's Just Be.

Yesterday I went to Woodfield mall with my mom, my sister, Mrs. Williams, and some bitches. Over lunch at the Rainforest Cafe we reminisced over the good ol' days across the road at the Rolling Meadows Hotel. When we drove back home Mrs. Williams giggled a little and said, "Back in the day, the kids would all be asleep by now." (Referring to when we would drive back from our trips). That's when I started thinking about how fast car rides go by for me.

It all sorta adds up to how I feel about everything when I'm with people. (vague, I know).

For example, when I go to eat with people I really like. I just want everyone to chill and let the moments just kind of stay put. Or like when people don't take their coats off when they are somewhere they are going to be for awhile. It puts me on edge and I want them to just stay for a spell. 

Car rides are perfect for that. No one can really go anywhere until the destination has been met. I like that. I like when people can stay put with me.

Even if it is only for just awhile.

Okay.

So I've tried to start a many a blog. I've cared too much in the past of how this thang looks and if it's quippy enough or if I'm in the middle of a run-on sentence.

NOW,
I just don't give a shit.