One moment things are so clear.
Then, like, a second later nothing makes any sense.
Like today I was so hungry and it made sense to, you know, eat. So I did. Then I was eating and thinking about how weird eating is. I don't want to explain exactly what my thoughts were on it, but it's just kind of a peculiar concept.
This has a lot to do with some situations.
I'm like really happy, but it's like I'm too scared to be too happy. To throw myself into something is scary, so I retreat until others retreat. Then I try to pull my self back in and it's usually too late. It's this weird tug of war I play by myself and I get absolutely no where every single time. No one wins. That's sad because, it's me. Regardless of who fails, I win because I'm playing BY MYSELF. I guess that means I'm holding myself back?
I don't have all the answers like I think I do.
but that's okay.
I think I will let myself win this time around, though.
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