Pushin' Down On Me

I have always been like this.

I will push and push something not really sure where the breaking point but, I'm seem almost willing to find out. 
                   it's like being blind folded near the edge of a cliff. I keep pushing further even though I know the drop off is inevitable.

    and it isn't always me I'm trying to knock off the edge. Someone important to me could be the blind folded one and I'm just directing them onward even though I have an extremely good idea of where things could get hairy.

Why do I do this?

Maybe I just like to find out where people draw their boundary lines.

Or perhaps it's because I secretly don't want anyone to stay close to me for long.

I wish I tried harder to keep the important people close.


I let friendships, good ones at that, slip through my fingers because I don't put enough effort into it.
       It's like the whole "outta sight, outta mind" thing. BUT just because someone I care about isn't around shouldn't mean they aren't important.


I wish I tried harder, especially with Krissy.
                        I'm not sure if she feels the same way, but I still consider her one of my best friends. Whenever we find our way back into eachother's lives it feels like no time has past and our friendship has just sort of maintained itself somehow. Although this is the coolest thing in the world to me. IT DOES NOT MEAN I should be allowed to just kinda let their be this whole lack of communication.

I miss her... and if you're reading this, I miss you.

Being here is hard.

I feel like I just don't care about things the way I used to. I want me back. I feel like whenever I'm on campus I've lost myself. This is repeptitive, I know. It's just true.

The only time I feel like I'm okay is when I hang out with my two friends here. That's when things are nice.

I rely too much on them though for my entertainment. I feel torn and this is where I feel like I'm pushing them toward the edge. I need to stop and figure out how to just be alone.